On the path to recovery from addiction, one of the greatest challenges is often dealing with deeply rooted emotions. Among these emotions, resentment can be particularly difficult, affecting both our peace of mind and our recovery.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) acknowledges the destructive power of resentment and offers the Resentment Prayer as one way to work through it.
In this article, we’ll look at the AA resentment prayer, how it is used, where it appears in the Big Book, and how it relates to the Fourth Step and the Sick Man’s Prayer.
Understanding the Power of Resentment
Resentment can keep us focused on past wrongs and grievances, making it difficult to move forward in recovery.
The term “resentment” itself, derived from “re-sentiment,” emphasizes the repetitive nature of holding onto negative feelings and grievances.
At the heart of resentment are feelings of being wronged, mistreated, or taken advantage of by another person.
When you’re entrenched in the habit of resentment, unresolved anger can add to emotional turmoil and make it harder to maintain a healthy perspective in recovery.
The AA program addresses this by encouraging us to take a fearless moral inventory of our resentments and examine our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The Role of Forgiveness in Recovery
In the 12-step program of AA, forgiveness can be an important part of working through resentment and developing a more tolerant view of others.
The AA Big Book describes resentment as a serious problem for people in recovery. By examining our resentments, we can look beyond others’ actions and consider how those resentments affect us.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting or condoning past actions. It can mean acknowledging the pain caused while choosing not to remain consumed by anger and resentment.
A Closer Look at AA’s Resentment Prayer
The Resentment Prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous, found on page 552 of the 4th Edition of the Big Book, provides a specific way to pray about a resentment.
Resentment Prayer on page 552 of the AA Big Book:
“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.”
The key elements of the prayer involve praying for the well-being of those who have wronged you, specifically for their health, prosperity, and happiness. The AA program focuses on spiritual principles and changing our response to resentment rather than focusing only on others’ actions.
The prayer emphasizes consistency and recommends daily practice for two weeks, even if the words initially feel insincere.
There are variations of the Resentment Prayer, with some AA members using an expanded version that includes asking for freedom from anger and understanding that the wrongdoing of others may indicate they are spiritually sick.
Another variation begins with, “Dear God in Heaven, if it is your holy will, look with favor upon the health, happiness, and prosperity of [name of person].”
How the Prayer Works
The Resentment Prayer gives us a practical way to shift our attention from bitterness to positive intentions for the person we resent.
Even if your prayers don’t feel natural at first, consistently engaging in this spiritual practice can help you work toward a different response to resentment.
If you make this a mental habit or daily practice, your focus can gradually shift from negative feelings to forgiveness, tolerance, and a more constructive response.
The goal is not to pretend that the wrong never happened. Instead, the practice can help reduce the hold that resentment has on your thoughts and actions.
Making use of the Resentment Prayer
First, identify the person or situation you resent, and set aside a specific time each day for the practice. You can read the prayer aloud or silently, focusing on genuinely wishing well for the person you resent.
The Big Book recommends continuing the practice for two weeks, even if the words feel difficult or insincere at first. Many people find it helpful to keep a journal to track their thoughts and notice whether their feelings or reactions change over time.
Some practitioners choose to picture the person they resent while praying for their health, prosperity, and happiness. The important part is approaching the practice with willingness and giving yourself time to work through the resentment.
If you’re struggling, consider discussing your experience with a sponsor or trusted AA member.
Benefits of Practicing the Resentment Prayer
First, identify the person or situation you resent, and set aside a specific time each day to practice. Start by reading the prayer aloud or silently, focusing on genuinely wishing well for the person you resent.
It’s important to continue this practice for at least two weeks, as described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, even if it feels insincere or difficult at first. Many people find it helpful to keep a journal to track their thoughts and notice any changes in their feelings or reactions.
Some practitioners choose to visualize the person they resent in a positive light while reciting the prayer. Approach the prayer with an open mind and a willingness to work through the resentment.
If you’re struggling, consider discussing your experience with a sponsor or trusted AA member.
The Resentment Prayer in the Context of AA’s 12 Steps
Within the framework of AA’s 12 Steps, the Resentment Prayer serves as a powerful tool in Steps 4 and 5.
The 4th Step resentment prayer of AA is:
“God, please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone. Thy will be done.”
It’s an integral part of the Fourth Step and encourages you to take a fearless moral inventory of your resentments.
By praying for those you resent, you can begin to shift your focus from bitterness toward compassion and a more constructive response.
The Resentment Prayer can also help you examine the underlying issues connected to resentment, including feelings such as selfishness, dishonesty, and fear.
In Step 5, where individuals acknowledge their wrongdoings to themselves, a higher power, and another person, the Resentment Prayer can remain part of the broader process of working through the inventory.
The prayer’s practice of wishing well for those who have caused harm can remain relevant throughout recovery, supporting the ongoing personal growth emphasized in Step 10 and the spiritual awakening described in Step 12.
The Sick Man’s Prayer and Resentment
The Sick Man’s Prayer closely relates to how AA addresses resentment. It asks us to recognize that the person who wronged us may also be spiritually sick and to respond with more tolerance, patience, and helpfulness.
This does not mean excusing harmful behavior or pretending that the wrongdoing did not happen. Instead, it can help shift our focus from retaliation to asking how we can respond without letting resentment control us.
The Sick Man’s Prayer is often discussed alongside the Fourth Step resentment prayer, particularly the idea of viewing the person who wronged us as someone who may also be struggling.
Conclusion
The Resentment Prayer is a practical tool that can help people in recovery work through anger and resentment and develop a more peaceful response to difficult situations.
It does not require forgetting what happened or condoning harmful behavior. Instead, the prayer encourages us to shift our perspective, pray for the well-being of the person we resent, and work to release the hold resentment can have on our lives.
By consistently practicing the prayer, people can continue their recovery work while developing greater tolerance, compassion, and understanding.
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