The AA Resentment Prayer – the Path to Emotional Freedom

On the path to recovery from addiction, one of the greatest challenges is often not the addictive substance itself but the deeply rooted emotions that drive self-destructive behaviors. Among these emotions, resentment stands out as a particularly dangerous force, capable of knocking even the most dedicated individuals off their path to sobriety. 

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) acknowledges the destructive power of resentment and introduces the Resentment Prayer as a distinctive tool to fight it. 

In this article, we’ll discover how this simple practice can serve as a life-changing path to emotional liberation that not only people in recovery can implement but anyone seeking to release anger and embrace a more understanding way of living.

Understanding the Power of Resentment

Resentment’s insidious nature can entrap you in a cycle of emotional bondage, hindering personal growth and jeopardizing your hard-earned sobriety.

The term “resentment” itself, derived from “re-sentiment,” emphasizes the repetitive nature of holding onto negative feelings and grievances.

At the heart of resentment, we see feelings of being wronged, mistreated, or taken advantage of by another person.

When you’re entrenched in the habit of resentment, you’re at a higher risk of relapse, as unresolved anger exacerbates emotional turmoil and if the insanity of alcohol returns, it can lead to fatal outcomes.

The right thing to do when aiming to break free from this toxic cycle and promote spiritual progress is to engage in a fearless moral inventory of your resentments.

The Role of Forgiveness in Recovery

In the 12-step program of AA, forgiveness is considered essential for sustaining long-term sobriety. The AA Big Book states that resentment is “the number one offender” that can destroy recovery efforts. 

By letting go of resentments, guilt, and shame, individuals in recovery can address underlying emotional wounds that often contribute to substance abuse and gain a more tolerant view. 

Forgiveness is not about forgetting or condoning past actions but rather acknowledging the pain caused and choosing to release negative emotions associated with it.

A Closer Look at AA’s Resentment Prayer

The Resentment Prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous, found on page 552 of the 4th Edition of the Big Book, provides a powerful method for overcoming deep-seated resentments.

Resentment Prayer on page 552 of the AA Big Book:  “If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.

The key elements of the prayer involve praying for the well-being of those who have wronged you, specifically for their health, prosperity, and happiness. The AA program focuses on a spiritual malady, dealing with not only other sick people but ourselves that are sick. 

The prayer emphasizes consistency and recommends daily practice for two weeks, even if the words initially feel insincere.

There are variations of the Resentment Prayer, with some AA members using an expanded version that includes asking for freedom from anger and understanding that the wrong-doing of others may indicate they’re a spiritually sick man. 

Another variation begins with, “Dear God in Heaven, if it is your holy will, look with favor upon the health, happiness, and prosperity of [name of person].”

How the Prayer Works

The prayer operates on psychological principles, challenging individuals to replace bitterness with positive concern, as these emotions cannot coexist. Over time, this practice can lead to genuine changes in attitude, fostering forgiveness and emotional freedom.

Even if your prayers don’t feel natural, consistently engaging in this spiritual experience can lead to genuine care and understanding for the spiritually sick friend who has hurt you.

If you make this a mental habit, or daily practice, your focus gradually shifts from negative feelings to positive intentions, facilitating emotional healing. In turn, we begin to let go of resentment and no longer focus on the wrongs of others.

Making use of the Resentment Prayer

The first step is to identify the person or situation you resent and set aside a specific time each day for the practice. Start by reading the prayer aloud or silently, focusing on genuinely wishing well for the person you resent. 

It’s crucial to continue this practice for at least two weeks, as recommended in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, even if it feels insincere or difficult at first. Many people find it helpful to keep a journal to track their progress and note any changes in their A.A. thoughts and feelings.

Some practitioners choose to visualize the person they resent in a positive light while reciting the prayer, enhancing its impact. It’s important to approach the prayer with an open mind and a willingness to let go of negative emotions. 

If you find yourself struggling, consider discussing your experience with a sponsor or trusted AA member.

Benefits of Practicing the Resentment Prayer

By engaging in this resentment prayer, you’ll experience an emotional release as you shift your focus from negative feelings to compassion. You’ll find that regular practice decreases the burden of deep resentment, improving your mental health.

Consistent use of prayer can deepen your connection with a higher power, enhancing spiritual growth and personal accountability.

The prayer encourages forgiveness, which is essential for sustaining sobriety and promoting personal growth. By releasing resentments, individuals can let go of the bondage of self-sabotage, enabling them to concentrate on their recovery and personal development. 

The Resentment Prayer in the Context of AA’s 12 Steps

Within the framework of twelve steps of AA, the Resentment Prayer serves as a powerful tool in Steps 4 and 5.

The 4th step resentment prayer of AA is:

“God, please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone. Thy will be done.”

God, please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that this is a sick human. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone. Thy will be done.

It’s an integral part of the fourth step, encouraging you to take a fearless moral inventory of your resentments. By praying for those you resent, you’re able to shift your focus from bitterness to compassion, paving the way for growth of a spiritual experience.

The Resentment Prayer helps you identify and address the root causes of your resentments, such feelings as selfishness, dishonesty, and fear. 

In Step 5, where individuals acknowledge their wrongdoings to themselves, a higher power, and another person, the Resentment Prayer can be a powerful tool for promoting forgiveness and releasing negative emotions. 

The prayer’s practice of wishing well for those who have caused harm remains relevant throughout the recovery process, supporting the ongoing personal growth emphasized in Step 10 and the spiritual awakening described in Step 12.

Conclusion

The Resentment Prayer is a powerful and practical tool that can help individuals in the business of resentment to achieve emotional freedom, whether they are in recovery, dealing with past hurts, or simply seeking peace of mind. 

It offers a transformative path to genuine emotional liberation, challenging us to radically alter our perspective on those who have wronged us. By consistently engaging in this prayer, people can learn to let go of the heart-heavy resentment and replace bitterness with compassionate understanding.

About the author
Shannon M
Shannon M's extensive experience in addiction recovery spans several decades. Her journey started at a young age when she attended treatment aftercare sessions for a family member and joined Alateen meetings, a support group for young people affected by a loved one's addiction. In 1994, Shannon personally experienced the challenges of addiction and took the courageous step of joining Alcoholics Anonymous. This experience gave her a unique perspective on the addiction recovery process, which would prove invaluable in her future work. Shannon's passion for helping others navigate the complexities of addiction led her to pursue a degree in English with a minor in Substance Abuse Studies from Texas Tech University. She completed her degree in 1996, equipping her with the knowledge and skills necessary to provide compassionate and effective support to those struggling with addiction. Shannon M both writes for Sober Speak and edits other writer's work that wish to remain anonymous.